Twenty years ago, I thought I would be married and have my first child by now. You know, it’s common (and expected) that most women in Vietnam settle down by their mid-twenties. I still remember how I was looking forward to being 27 — the age which I would be guaranteed to have my own little family and that would be enough.
I’ve always been a family-first person. I may not feel ready to change a baby’s diapers yet but I’ve always wanted to have my children one day and got excited thinking of the idea that I’ll be able to nurture someone and share what I’ve learned in my life with them. I love raising kids so much that I wanted to build a new social platform with a twist: instead of sharing our thoughts and life contents with people around us, we could share these stories with our kids and the next generations through the rawest, most authentic form as we progress in life. In fact, when I was 22, I even flew to Seattle to connect with people for advice, laid out my ‘business’ plan, and started exploring the implementation of building a prototype for this app. For many different reasons, it’s never come to life.
I switched to journaling... lots and lots of journals. I created a private blog and wrote to my 'imaginary' children about what I was going through and what I learned. I named it 'Since 22', so if my children ever go through any similar situations in the future, they’ll know that I have been there too and it’s normal when life is hard on us. Then, about two years ago, I created another blog as some of you may still remember, called 'Colors of Z' — I wrote to destress and escape. For many different reasons, I reached the point that I stopped writing altogether.
I turned 27 last week, still haven’t settled down nor had a child to raise yet. Technically, my dreams when I was little and all the things I thought would be guaranteed after I crossed my mid-twenties have never come true. But I have grown, and so have my dreams. I started writing again; though this time, I write for myself, for those who have expressed to me that they find what I share helpful and inspiring, and for my children to know that I’m not just their mother but also their friend — a twenty-something girl who’s also had quite a taste of quarter-life crisis, and that is a normal part of life.
I still want to have my own little family one day (I’m sure my parents are longing for this day to come at least as much as I do if not more), but there are a lot of other things that I want to do as well.
27 has been great — I feel incredibly thankful and I'm as happy as I've ever been (plus, not gonna lie, I've been really enjoying aging!) Perhaps achieving what we have planned for ourselves shouldn’t be the goal, and achieving what others have achieved should never be our goal. Perhaps the goal should be to have faith in our own path, for what will be will be when our time comes.
Que sera, sera!
x
[Lyrics]
When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother what will I be
Will I be pretty will I be rich
Here's what she said to me
Que sera sera
Whatever will be will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera sera
What will be will be
When I grew up and fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said
Que sera sera
Whatever will be will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera sera
What will be will be
Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother what will I be
Will I be handsome will I be rich
I tell them tenderly
Que sera sera
Whatever will be will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera sera
What will be will be
Que sera sera