When I sat down to write the Holiday Issue(s) last year, I was determined to hold myself accountable for change.
And I did.
I’ve changed.
I’ll let you be the judge and let the results speak for themselves. But out of all the things I set out to change, I completely overlooked the one change I needed the most—not the change the world may need, but the change I need.
People often describe me as a role model for practicing self-love, and I won’t try to deflect that—I know too well what it feels like not to love myself, and I simply can’t afford to go back there. Yet, I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
I used to believe that the self-love I gave myself was, if not more than enough, then surely enough. After all, I cared deeply and put a lot of effort into it. But with all the energy I pour into the world and into being of service to others, I’ve had a wake-up call: I need far more attention from myself than I once thought was sufficient. It’s not about doing more or less for ourselves compared to others—it’s about truly showing up for our own needs in the way we inherently require.
I am needy.
I am needy for myself.
That realization surfaced when I could no longer ignore what my health condition was trying to tell me. I’m often the first to remind others to take care of their health, yet somehow, I’ve always struggled to accept that “I am healthy” and “I’m not feeling healthy right now” can coexist—as if I should be the exception. Our minds are powerful that way. As much as they help us power through tough times, get things done, and fight for the people we love, they can also block us from recognizing our very own vulnerabilities.
For me, 2024 is ending with a tough warning but also a much-needed reminder: To change the world, we must first change ourselves. But to change anything, we must first be alive.
Please look after yourself, stay healthy, and may the changes within you reflect the changes you want to see in the world 🤍
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